Happy Independence Day. Your independence means you get to choose.

I don’t want to see the world, I want to hide from it. If I choose to leave it is because everyone around us is so horrifyingly awful, creating environments that are so unbearable, and because we are continuously unable to come to a non-selfish solution. I am selfish too, so I don’t know what I would do better or differently. It may be too easy to just pack up and go, but in the end even the journey can be completely meaningless. I continue to make up spaces to be happy because I have nothing else to fill that gap because nothing can. and other people just remind me of that awful truth and make it worse.

losing my mind, losing my grip.

"He loves me, he loves me not"

A lot of artists don’t appreciate filters, and so I feel guilty for making such heavy use of them in my photos. But I really really love how it makes my photos look…So I guess I will keep editing my photos with filters, even if it means I must revoke my ability to self-claim as an artist. 

Anyway, these were all taken by my NikonD3100 this afternoon in my aunt’s garden. I really suffered a lot of mosquito bites for these (she has grown a gorgeous garden [alliteration!] around this old swamp) but I hope you find my efforts worth it. I am actually satisfied with how these came out! And if you couldn’t tell, I love the statue of the woman and I really couldn’t decide which angles and edits I liked best, so I’ll present them all.

Instagram: @misssuryaa

 Alluring and Beautiful, Dead and Dying”

Strange selections from different bouquets of flowers given to me for different reasons by different people. I keep them because they make me feel attached to the memory of their gifting. I keep them by letting them hang to dry. I took the photos of the (previously) white roses with my Nikon D3100. and the rest are with my iPhone5C. I hope you like. 

Instagram: @misssuryaa

Defrocking the Monks" is a documentary I made in high school for my World Religions class, taught by Samantha Camera (who is fantastic). It explores religion and the lives and perspectives of monks who lived through the Khmer Rouge. These monks are from Wat Kiryvongsabopharam in Leverett, MA. Please watch, learn, and enjoy.

This video was made with editing help from my friend Alexis.

I want to melt in the sun. I want to shoot up to the stars and explode so someone can make a wish on my dead body and free my soul. Fuck this kind of living, it’s such an emotional burden just being me. No tomorrow, there is nothing there, this is the longest day of my life.

I loved with a love that was more than love and then it shattered to pieces against my chest like shrapnel. I can only get rid of the pieces and move on. Like a sad lump of clay.

April 23, 2014

The quiet sigh of early morning breath,

The dim moon slowly recedes alone,

And a shy moth drifts into morning sleep,

As he pushes back hazy-eyed memories.

And then came the sun with her golden touch,

And every finger brought forth generous love,

And all the light lifted the heaviness,

And all of the pain sank into the dew.

And the first stretch of day opened the skies,

To white fresh air…

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